Bill Zoeker

Bill Zoeker

Author's details

Name: Bill Zoeker
Date registered: May 20, 2012

Latest posts

  1. Whine Country: Dracula is Dead — March 28, 2013
  2. Blarg Fact: Aria once moonlighted as the monster from the Grudge — February 11, 2013
  3. PAX East plans — February 11, 2013
  4. Edge of Space stream tomorrow — February 11, 2013
  5. Win a RUNNER 2 Shirt Signed by Alex Neuse, Mike Roush, and Gaijin Games! — September 17, 2012

Most commented posts

  1. Let’s Rap Abou– Oh God Dammit, Nintendo! — 14 comments
  2. Review: Lollipop Chainsaw — 7 comments
  3. Let’s Rap: It’s Happening, Blops 2 Will Have Integrated Livestreaming — 4 comments
  4. I’ll Be Working my Blarg off at PAX Prime — 4 comments
  5. Let’s Rap About Notch’s Genderless Utopia — 4 comments

Author's posts listings

Mar 28

Bill Zoeker

Whine Country: Dracula is Dead

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[Hey Blargnauts. Aria wants me to write again, so I'm going to poop out this super brief, stream-of-consciousness bitchfest. Maybe it will be a regular thing; maybe not. Here we go!]

I recently borrowed a copy of Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate. (Trying saying that one time at a moderate pace… without feeling like a moron). Okay, so my heart was broken when it was announced that the original Castlevania: Lords of Shadow was beginning a new canon for Castlevania; but now they are apparently re-branding the Castlevania series as Castlevania: Lords of Shadow. And you thought Akumajo Dracula was bad! It’s so dumb! But, I digress…

I played this bastardization of my beloved “Cassie” for about an hour. It’s starts with a boring prologue starring boring Gabriel from the first “CasLorShad”. You do some stuff predicated on the first game, which I didn’t play, so I didn’t really care. Then the gameplay starts, and “Oh boy!”, I thought to myself. “Let’s see how they botched this simple combat concept!” Well, I was actually wrong. They didn’t ruin “The ‘Vane’s” combat; they adequately implemented God of War’s combat… in 2D. Moving on…

This game looks a lot more interesting… BRB

After the prologue, you’re put into the tribal skins of Gabriel’s grandson: none other than Simon Belmont himself. “This should be better”, I thought. “Now they’ll introduce new and interesting elements.” Wrong again. Same bland GoW combat. Worse yet, there’s not enough of it. You spend more time platforming (a task which doesn’t even resemble fun in this instance), than you do stupidly whipping around.

Okay, this brief rant is getting less brief. So I’m gonna to diarrhea out the rest of my thoughts, completely acknowledging the fact the I’m giving up on putting any real effort into this.

  • The game is butt -ugly! These polygon are so jagged and plain, they make me want to puke!
  • Alucard uses a whip! What? Also, he’s made out of ugly polygons.
  • CastLorShat has barely noticeable music. Which is the worst possible sacrilege for a Castlevania game.
  • It’s bad! It’s really bad! Don’t play it!

Okay, that’s it. ::whips around mic until bored, then drops::

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2013/03/whine-country-dracula-dead/

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Blarg Fact: Aria once moonlighted as the monster from the Grudge

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Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2013/02/blarg-fact-aria-moonlighted-monster-grudge/

Status update

Bill Zoeker

Hey Blargnauts! If you were following our coverage of PAX Prime last year, you know we pumped out a ton of interviews with developers, publishers, and everything in between. We’re going out to PAX East to bring you even more. This time, it will be a smaller group of us. Myself, Bill Zoeker, will be blazing a trail through the convention with Aria once again; with Kashi Takashi, and Ransom Summer rounding out the team. We’ll be focusing more on the lighter side of things this time, so prepare your sides to be split.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2013/02/pax-east-plans/

Status update

Bill Zoeker

Hey Blargnauts! Don’t forget, Aria will be streaming the in-alpha Edge of Space tomorrow at 5p.m. Pacific! Tune in to see if Aria can work together with a partner to conquer the black!

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2013/02/edge-space-stream-tomorrow/

Sep 17

Bill Zoeker

Win a RUNNER 2 Shirt Signed by Alex Neuse, Mike Roush, and Gaijin Games!

Hey Blergnuts and bobbers! As you may know, Aria streamed live from PAX Prime 2012 with Alex and Mike of Gaijin Games. Gaijin, being the awesome dudes they are, hooked us up with a Runner 2 shirt(size XL) which everyone at their booth proceeded to sign. Now we want to toss this vestment graced by the autographs of the minds behind the BIT.TRIP to one of you beautiful Blargnauts. Here’s how to enter:

That’s it! That’s all you have to do to win this awesome one-of-a-kind shirt. The winner will be picked at random on October 1st. Good luck!

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2012/09/win-a-runner-2-shirt-signed-by-gaijin-games/

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“Sh***in’ Time” by Parrish_Broadnax

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2012/09/shin-time-by-parrish_broadnax/

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Cuddling with Bane PAX Prime 2012

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ariablarg.tv/2012/09/cuddling-with-bane-pax-prime-2012/

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